Despite popular belief, negotiation is not about bluff and bluster. In reality, the secret to a successful negotiation is to take ego out of the equation. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and arrogance can kill your opportunities almost immediately. All too often people walk into a negotiation with the mindset that they are the expert on the topic being discussed. Unfortunately, this arrogance isn’t well received by the other party and it can hinder the negotiation. Egos can be extremely detrimental to negotiations and can actually be the demise of the deal, so your best bet is to leave your ego behind. Here are just a few reasons why negotiators should consciously set aside their egos.

1. Egos Prevent You From Hearing Important Information

Egos play a critical role in the information gathering stages of strategic negotiations. People who are egotistical love hearing themselves talk and in doing so, they give away crucial information. Furthermore, they are so busy talking about themselves that they fail to listen to the needs of the other person. Failing to listen prevents negotiators from gathering critical information that could be effective in closing a profitable deal. 

2. Egos Can Ruin Deals

Egos can be extremely detrimental to the close of a negotiation because it undermines the person’s rational decision making and can cause them to ignore strategic agreements. All too often deals go south because someone’s inflated ego gets in the way of what would otherwise be a rational offer. Some people lose a deal simply because they cannot stomach the thought of the other person beating them. Their egos cause them to focus on winning rather than reaching an agreement that meets their needs. 

3. Egos Make It Hard to Be Open-Minded

If you walk into a negotiation with the mindset that it’s your way or the highway, you might as well consider the deal broken from the start. When you are arrogant, you tend to be close-minded and less likely to consider new solutions and alternatives. This prevents you from listening to the other person and learning what their needs are in order to reach a win-win agreement. 

4. Egos Lead to Mistakes

People who have an inflated ego think they are always right and this can lead to mistakes. You might miss something important that could end up being more advantageous for you. Listening to the opinions of others doesn’t make you less able, rather it demonstrates that you appreciate and value teamwork, a quality that is highway valued by others. 

5. You Fail to Focus on the Results

An inflated ego causes the person to focus on “winning” rather than focusing on the results and what would make the best long-term deal for both parties. It is important to take the emphasis off the people involved and remain focused on the facts alone. Remember that it’s your goals that should be driving you, not your ego. 

6. Egos Destroy Relationships

Egos are harmful to professional relationships because such personality traits are less likable. People simply don’t like dealing with someone who is arrogant and this can destroy your chances of working together in the future,

Many people prepare for negotiations by thinking about what they want to achieve, what they are willing to concede to achieve those results, and what bargaining power they have. Then, they prepare their opening statements, their best arguments, and they decide at what point they would choose to walk away from the deal. They try to craft the perfect negotiation and come up with a favorable deal by considering all of these elements. The problem, however, is that at no point did they ever stop to consider the other party’s perspective or needs. Since the other party must agree to any deal, it is pretty important to consider their position when looking for a solution. Failing to take the other party’s perspective into account is a common mistake that can negatively impact the outcome of the negotiation. The best negotiators prepare by assessing both their needs and the needs of their counterparts and they do so by getting the other party to talk first. Here are a few reasons why this is an advantageous move. 

1. To Learn What is Motivating Them

Successful negotiators know better than to walk into a negotiation and spend the whole time talking about themselves. Not only can this come across as egotistical, but it prevents them from truly understanding the needs of their counterpart. Rather, a skilled negotiator should walk into a negotiation armed with questions. This investigative approach will get the other party talking so you can uncover their true motivations. Only then, can you devise an effective negotiation strategy.

2. To Find Out Their Walk-Away Point

You aren’t the only one trying to come away with a win. Negotiations are a two-way street and if you cannot satisfy the needs of the other party, they will do something else. This might mean they walk away from your deal and seek to do business with someone else. This would be considered their walk-away alternative and it’s your job to uncover what that is. By getting them to talk first, you can find out what their interests are, their problems, their motivations, and their concerns. You can also discover their walk-away alternative. Having an accurate understanding of the other party’s walk-away alternative will help you develop a better plan that will meet both of your needs. 

3. Discover Their Constraints and Help Them Relieve Them

Everyone who is entering a negotiation has some problem that is in need of a solution. This could be identified as a “pain point.” By encouraging the other person to talk first, you can learn more about these pain points and what is needed to relieve them. At this point, you can offer a solution that will remove these constraints. In this situation, both parties are getting something they truly need and it becomes a win-win for everyone. 

4. It Builds Trust and Respect

When you sit down at the table and begin by asking the other person about their needs, it immediately sets the tone for the negotiation. Rather than coming across as greedy and arrogant, you are showing that you value and care about the other person’s needs as well. Not only will this help you to gather critical information, but it also creates a more trusting relationship built on mutual respect.

Negotiating can be a tricky process and it’s important to learn how to effectively navigate the process. One of the best practices in negotiation is learning to wait and exercises patience throughout the negotiation process. A quick solution may lead to a bad decision so you need to learn the art of waiting. Patience can be an effective weapon when it comes to negotiating while impatience can be the deadliest mistake. If you can learn to wait, you are more likely to win. Here are a few examples of situations where it is prudent to wait during a negotiation. 

1. When More Research is Needed to Verify the Deal

It’s normal to be anxious about reaching that big business deal but it’s important to remember the art of patience. Contract negotiations can take a while, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Rushing through a contract could end up costing you a great deal of money and increasing your stress if you are not careful. One time when you should be willing to wait is when more time is needed to adequately research the terms of a contract. For instance, your negotiation might be stuck on one detail, but it’s important to get that detail ironed out so it doesn’t come back to haunt you later on. Take a deep breath and be patient. 

2. If You are Feeling the Pressure of a Deadline

Oftentimes, people will try to strongarm you into signing a deal by putting time constraints and deadline pressure on you. The problem with this, is that you might agree to something you don’t want just because of the deadline pressure. In these situations, it is best to take a step back and wait before signing the deal. Assess the exact terms of the deal and decide if it’s truly what you want. The reality is that deadlines can always be moved, changed, or eliminated so avoid making a decision under pressure. 

3. If You Need Clarification

You should never agree to anything that you don’t fully understand. Even if it takes more time to do a little research, you need to have sufficient information and a complete understanding of the terms of the deal before you agree to it. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and gather more clarity before continuing with the negotiation. Advanced preparation is key to successful negotiations. It is imperative that you gather as much information about the other party’s needs and motivations as possible prior to entering into negotiations. If you find that your preparation has not been adequate, it is more beneficial for you to wait and reconvene once you have gathered all of the necessary information. 

4. If the Conversation is Getting Heated

It’s easy for things to get emotionally charged during a negotiation but nothing good comes from tense emotions. If you feel like things are getting heated, it’s best to pause, step back, and take a break before moving on. In this scenario, waiting will allow everyone to gather their thoughts and cool down before making any final decisions. 

5. If the Deal is Not Worth It

There will be times when your counterpart will drive you away from the table because the deal is not worth signing. Whether they are unable to negotiate what you need, they are acting in an unethical manner, or things are getting too emotional. If you have other alternatives, you might need to consider waiting and looking for a different solution rather than negotiating a deal that is not beneficial to you. 

There is more to negotiating than stating your proposed deal. Timing also plays an important role. When you negotiate can have a significant impact on the outcome of the negotiation process. Choosing the right time to negotiate can affect how alert people are, how interested they are, and how willing they are to listen to you. Not sure when the right time is? Here are four ways to know when to swoop in and ask for what you want. 

Consider Negotiating When…

You Have a Written Offer in Hand

One of the biggest missteps for job seekers is playing hardball before it has been established that they are getting the job. When it comes to negotiating pay, benefits, etc, you want to follow one basic rule: wait until you have a formal offer in hand. You have more power to negotiate if you know for a fact that you are being offered the job. You also come across as greedy and a bit conceited if you start negotiating before you have even been offered the job. Once you have a formal offer in hand, you can take the time to put together a thoughtful counteroffer. 

You Can Clearly Show the Value You’re Bringing In

Whether you are negotiating a salary increase or the benefits of a new job, you have to remember that your employer is focused on what you bring to the table. They aren’t concerned r with how much your bills cost or how long you have worked at the company. They care about what value you are bringing to the company. Therefore, you don’t want to begin a negotiation until you can clearly show the value you’re bringing to the organization. If you have successfully pitched the last several sales, brought a significant revenue increase to the company, or successfully managed a major project, be prepared to show your value and explain why the extra investment will be worth it to your employer. 

The Timing is Prudent

If there is an important event coming up in the near future and you know you have significant value to offer regarding this event, it might be advantageous to step in and ask for that raise or promotion. If you know your employer is in a bind and is dependent upon the success of this event, you have a powerful leg to stand on if you can prove that you’re the answer they have been looking for. If you can prove that your performance will reduce their stress, then reminding them of how you can solve this impending problem might be a perfect opportunity to ask for what you want. 

You Just Had a Major Success

Perhaps you exceeded your sales goal for the third month in a row or you just closed a major deal that you have been working on for months. A great time to ask for what you want is right after you have a major success. Your employer will see your value and they are more likely to give you what you want.

Entering into an important business negotiation can be stressful and many people find themselves becoming anxious about their performance. No matter how well they have prepared their materials, they still feel nervous about how they will handle the negotiation process. While a certain amount of performance anxiousness is normal, you certainly don’t want to showcase your nerves at the negotiating table. For this reason, it’s important to prepare yourself mentally for your next negotiation. The following tactics can be helpful in relieving some of your anxiety so you can negotiate with confidence. 

Know Your Audience

Who are you negotiating with and what do you know about them? What will they know about you and what questions might they ask? The more you know about your audience, the more you can plan ahead so you aren’t caught off guard. This will also help you to present the most valuable information in order to persuade them. Research your counterpart and learn as much about them as possible. Learn what their pain points are and what motivates them. The more you know about them, the more confident you will feel in your ability to negotiate with them. 

Practice and Rehearse

If you know your information inside and out the less likely you will be to panic at the negotiating table. Thoroughly prepare yourself and know exactly what your goals are and what you hope to achieve through the negotiation. Have your concessions prepared as we and know your walk away point. Rehearse a few times with a spouse, friend, co-worker, or even in front of your mirror. The more prepared you are the less nervous you will feel right before the negotiation. 

Practice Mindfulness

Research has shown that engaging in simple and brief mindfulness exercises can be an effective way to improve your negotiation performance. Not only does meditation help alleviate stress and anxiety, but it also enhances your ability to think clearly and recall important information. Prior to your negotiation, spend a few minutes focusing on yourself and mentally preparing for the meeting. Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breaths to relax your mind and body. 

Positive Visualization

Again, studies suggest that there are a number of benefits to practicing positive visualization. Imagine yourself in front of your audience speaking with confidence and delivering persuasive content. Then, picture their positive reaction. Furthermore, tell yourself that you are well prepared and ready for the negotiation. Doing so will boost your confidence and help you to feel less anxious about the meeting. 

Negotiations will cease to have any meaningful result if the parties involved fail to communicate effectively. Many people get nervous or tongue-tied during a negotiation and they fail to get what they want. The problem is miscommunication. Oftentimes, what we say is misheard or misinterpreted in a way we didn’t intend. This can lead to unsuccessful negotiations and prevent you from achieving your desired results. If you want to get the most out of your next negotiation, you must be clear on exactly what you want. Here are a few tips for asking for- and getting- exactly what you want during a negotiation. 

Prepare with Research

You can’t enter into a negotiation with unrealistic expectations. You need to do some research beforehand so your requests have validation. For example, you wouldn’t just call up your cable provider and demand a lower price. You would, however, do some research to find out what other customers are paying with different companies. If they have similar contracts and services but a lower price, you now have a leg to stand on when you call to negotiate your bill. Knowledge is power so the more research you do in advance the more power you have at the bargaining table. 

State Your Goals Clearly 

Any time you are negotiating with someone, you must be crystal clear about what it is you want. For instance, if you’re trying to negotiate a higher salary, you can’t just walk into your boss’s office and say, “I’d like a raise.” This could mean $1500 or $15,000. If you don’t clarify your goal, your counterpart has no idea what you are aiming for and what number is your bottom line. It’s your job to have clearly defined goals in mind prior to negotiating so you are prepared to state them during the discussion. In the example above, if your goal is to increase your salary from $100,000 to $115,000 you need to be clear on your expectations. 

Offer Clarification

When you ask for something during a negotiation, you need to make sure your counterpart clearly understands what it is you want. Even if you think you were very clear and concise, your counterpart might not feel the same way. Therefore, you need to ask them if they understand your request and if they need you to clarify any points. You might even encourage them to repeat back to you what you want so you can be sure everyone is on the same page. Be sure and offer this same courtesy to them when they are negotiating. 

Follow Up

It’s possible for two parties to walk away from the same negotiation with a completely different view of what was discussed. For this reason, you always want to follow up and reiterate your goals. You never want to assume that the other person fully understands. Misunderstandings and miscommunication happen all the time and you can ensure everyone is on the same page by following up after a negotiation.

When it comes to business negotiations, your body language is just as important as the words you speak. People communicate through a variety of channels and spoken language is not the only way to exchange information. During a negotiation, you can also express ideas and command attention through your body movements and facial expressions. In fact, your body language plays a significant role in business negotiations because it allows you to connect with your counterpart and it also ensures you get your point across clearly without confusion. Since your body language can affect the outcome of your negotiation, be sure and master these five important tips regarding your body language. 

Stand Up Straight

When you stand with your back straight and your head up you convey confidence. This immediately sends a message of self-assurance, authority, and power to those around you. In contrast, someone who is slouching might appear nervous or anxious. People naturally notice and react to body cues and appearing strong and confident can go a long way in a negotiation. 

Maintain Eye Contact

This doesn’t mean you need to stare at someone to the point where they become uncomfortable, but frequent eye contact is important for connecting with your audience. Whether you are speaking to a group of people or just one person, you want to make it a point to establish eye contact throughout the conversation and especially when you are discussing key issues. 

Avoid Unnecessary Hand Gestures

The first sign of nervousness is fidgeting with your hands and arms. When negotiating, you want to make sure and avoid any nervous ticks or habitual hand movements. For example, folding your hands together in a pleading position is a nervous habit that some people do to keep their hands from shaking. Other times, people might cross their arms or put their hands in their pockets because they don’t know what else to do with them. Unfortunately, these gestures make you appear nervous and less persuasive. Instead, use positive hand gestures that send a more confident message. Steepling your fingers, for example, is a much better hand gesture that conveys that what you are saying is important. The right gestures can make you look calm, collected, and confident. 

Smile

Just because you are negotiating it doesn’t mean that you have to appear as the enemy. Smiling is one of the most genuine and effective ways to build rapport with someone. Smiling generally triggers happy feelings, and this can cause the other person to associate happiness with you. Smiling creates a more positive mood and makes you appear more personable and approachable. 

Nod Your Head

People respond positively in a negotiation when they feel like they are being heard. Active listening is one of the most effective communication tools for negotiation and nothing indicates that you are listening better than a nod of the head. Even if the discussion is tense, this nonverbal cue can defuse the tension and demonstrate your willingness to listen. Nodding your head is a great way to validate your counterpart without ever speaking a word. This also indicates that you are open to what they have to say. It is a simple body cue that can lead to alignment, especially during contentious conversations.

Negotiation is an art that requires planning, skill, and strategy. With so much at stake, many people are desperate to simply reach an agreement and finalize the deal. However, power negotiators know that despite your eagerness to reach a conclusion, you should never say “yes” to the first offer. Why? People expect you to counter and when you don’t, it leaves everyone feeling a bit uneasy about the deal. You don’t want your counterpart leaving the negotiation with negative thoughts, so it’s always best to give them what they want: a counteroffer. Passing on the first offer might feel like a risk, but let’s consider the reasons why accepting the first offer isn’t the best move. 

It Damages the Confidence of the Other Party

When you sit down to negotiate a deal, it is expected that the negotiation process will be a give and take. Therefore, if you accept the first offer right away, it can trigger negative thoughts in the other person’s mind. While you might expect your counterpart to be ecstatic that you accepted their offer, it actually leaves them scratching their head. They immediately think to themselves, “I could have done better.” It actually has nothing to do with the final price, but rather the way the other person reacts to the proposal. For example, imagine you are interested in purchasing a car that is for sale for $10,000. You decide to make a lower offer of $8000 and to your surprise, the seller agrees right away. Rather than walking away feeling like you got a great deal, you are left thinking to yourself, “That was too easy. Something must be wrong with it.” Immediately, you have lost confidence in the seller and you are second-guessing the deal. 

It Raises Doubt 

Consider the same situation with buying the car. If the seller is asking $10k for the car and you immediately agree to pay it, the seller might think to themselves, “I should have asked more for the car.” Rather than being excited about the deal, they are left feeling a little disappointed that they didn’t price the car higher. This same principle applies to a number of negotiations. For example, if you are negotiating a higher salary and your boss immediately accepts your first offer, it will cause you to doubt your offer. Instead of walking out excited about your raise, you are left wondering why you didn’t ask for more. In terms of business deals, accepting the first offer raises doubts in the minds of the other party and might encourage them to raise their prices or increase their demands for the next negotiation. 

It Cause You to Lose Credibility

If you walk into an important business negotiation and you immediately accept the first offer that is put on the table, it leaves the other party questioning your credibility.  Not only do they assume you are an inexperienced negotiator, but they might also question your abilities as a professional. It does not look favorable when you say “yes” right away rather than negotiate a better deal. 

No matter what industry you are in or what position you hold, your ability to negotiate will bear a significant impact on your career. Whether you are negotiating a pay raise or working to land that big account, learning how to negotiate effectively is crucial to your success. As you are probably well aware, negotiating is not something you can take on without preparation. Charm and charisma only go so far when you’re up against a tough competitor. For this reason, it is important to take the right steps to prepare for all kinds of negotiation situations. Mastering and attaining these tenets will put you in a better position to negotiate in just about any situation. 

1. Gather Background Information

Walking into a negotiation blindly can ruin your chances for a successful negotiation. It is imperative that you do adequate research so you fully understand the needs of the other party as well as their strengths and weaknesses and what is motivating them. Any statistics or knowledge that you bring to the table regarding the other party will put you in a better position and allow you to make better decisions and go for tougher asks. Simply put, the more research you can do in advance, the better. 

2. Anticipate Compromise

You should expect to make concessions and you should plan what they will be in advance. A successful negotiation is about give and take so you need to prioritize your goals and decide ahead of time what you are willing to concede. You also need to remember that for everything you concede, you should ask for something in return. Preparing for a compromise ahead of time will prevent you from giving up too much once you’re under pressure. 

3. Prepare a SWOT Analysis

It can be difficult to anticipate how a negotiation will go but you can better prepare yourself for anything by developing a SWOT analysis. You need to consider the opportunities and threats on both sides and what would be considered the walk-away point for each side. Understanding these things might help you land a better deal and it will also prevent you from agreeing to something you don’t really want. 

4. Know Your Strategy

One of the best ways to get ready for a negotiation is to prepare a strategy ahead of time. Have a plan in place, complete with hypothetical scenarios and contingency plans if things go awry. You want to be prepared for how you will handle unforeseen obstacles and challenges. What is your walk-away point? At what point do you push harder? What will you do if your counterpart scoffs at your deal? Preparing for all of these possibilities in advance will make you more confident during the actual negotiation and will prevent you from floundering under pressure. 

5. Identify Your Goals

Make a list of what goals are most important to you and what you are not willing to give up. Identifying your goals is an important step in making sure you get what you want out of the deal. This will also help you to keep the negotiation on track and keep you focused on specific objectives. If you don’t have clearly defined goals, you could end up settling for anything. 

6. Practice

We are all familiar with the old adage, “Practice makes perfect.” While you may not end up with the perfect deal, you will end up with a better deal if you practice. Like anything else in life, the more you negotiate the better you will become at it. Practice ahead of time in a mirror with a couple of prepared responses. You can also practice with a friend, family member, or coworker. Role play a few different scenarios and practice your responses, justifications, claims, and requests. This way, when you do it for real, you will be more confident in your ability to handle a number of different situations. 

Most people enter into a negotiation with the realization that concessions are necessary. Every negotiation involves a little bit of give and take, as this amicable exchange of value encourages long-term partnerships. Although they are expected in negotiations, great negotiators understand that concessions should be used sparingly and with purpose. Concede too much or too little and it could negatively impact the outcome of the negotiation. To help you better understand how to concede effectively, consider the following powerful concession strategies.

Prepare Your Concessions in Advance

It is absolutely necessary to know exactly which concessions you are willing to make prior to sitting down at the negotiation table. Otherwise, you might end up conceding the wrong thing under pressure. Before the negotiation, write down a list of concessions you are willing to make and prioritize them in order from “most important to you” to “least important to you.” Your list should also include an estimation of how much your counterpart values each of your potential concessions.

Never Give Something Up Without Getting Something in Return

If you find yourself in a position where you need to make a concession, always make sure and ask for one in return. Otherwise, you are communicating that you are willing to give value away for nothing. This leaves your counterpart feeling like you either lack confidence, or you feel like you owe them something and this is not a strong position to be in as you move forward. Always demand reciprocity and never give anything away for free.

Don’t Give Too Much Too Soon

Remember that list of concessions you made? You noted which items were most and least important to you. When it comes time to make a concession, be careful not to give up too much right off the bat. This will leave your counterpart thinking, “If there is that much slack in the opening position, I wonder what else I can get.” Rather, concede the least amount necessary to keep the negotiation moving forward. Not only does this prevent you from giving up something that is most important to you, but multiple small concessions indicate that you are willing to be flexible.

How You Concede is More Important Than What You Concede

A great negotiator is much like a storyteller. They create a narrative that engages the other party. Concede slowly, as this tends to make your concession more alluring. If you concede too quickly, the other party won’t feel as if you’re making a genuine sacrifice.  When you do decide to make a concession, share with your counterpart the value of what you are giving up and make them feel richer for receiving it. This can be the difference between a good negotiator and a great one. A great negotiator really makes their counterpart feel like they got something special.

Choose Your Concessions Carefully

When you make concessions, start by giving up things that are of high value to the other party but which are low cost to you. This is one of the most effective and powerful concession strategies because it keeps the negotiation moving in a positive direction. That’s why it is so important to determine your other party’s needs prior to negotiating. This demonstrates that you care about the other party and you are willing to work alongside them to reach a win-win solution.